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My new girlfriend – Nha Trang, Vietnam

By Todd Berman

Mon, February 2, 2009

Fish drying on the Nha Trang beach, Vietnam

Drying fish, Nha Trang, Vietnam | Photo by Lauren Girardin

I don't hear the moto's engine as it pulls up behind me, so I don't realize a woman is behind me until she starts humping my leg.

This all happens while I 'm standing next to my bicycle on a bridge that spans the Cai River in Nha Trang, drawing a picture of the distant Ponagar Cham Towers. Until her arrival, the bridge was a peaceful place to be.

"You want hotel room?" she huskily says in my ear, while continuing the rhythmic rubbing on the back of my thigh, "I get you hotel room, you want hotel room?"

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View from a bridge in Nha Trang | Art by Todd Berman

"No, no, no," I reply quickly, while taking a big step back and turning around. I'm confronted by a woman wearing a bandanna over her face, as is the style for most Vietnamese people on motorbikes. I say 'woman,' but underneath her bank robber disguise, she certainly could be a man.

"Oh, you married?"

"Yes, yes, I'm married. My wife is just over there," I point with one hand while holding the woman back with the other. My aggressor steps away, so I turn my back and continue drawing hoping that if I ignore her, the conversation will be over.

Alas, the humping resumes. "I give you massage. You want massage?" I guide her away from me again and for another moment the sales pitch stops.

Nap time on the Nha Trang sidewalk | Photo by Lauren Girardin

But no, it was just a pause. It's not over yet. She presses against me one more time, "I give you massage, very cheap..." and grabs my crotch,, harshly, digging in with her long nails, a painful and surprising sensation that makes me drop my best black marker off the side of the bridge. Losing my marker is the last straw. I grab her wrist and shove her away, all my gentleness gone.

Laughing, my assailant hops back on her motorbike behind a small man who smiles shyly, blushes, and drives away.

I quickly check my pocket to make sure that my dong is still there. It is! Also, while my Vietnamese cash is where it should be too, the receipts from the last couple of days are no longer in my back pocket (thankfully, this is no big deal).

Drying our wet dong after a rainy bike ride - Nha Trang, Vietnam

Drying our wet dong | Photo by Todd Berman

I call over to Lauren who has been standing just 30 meters away photographing a fish-drying operation below, oblivious to the whole encounter. Lauren's always saying that, as a woman, she's been lucky to travel with me through a few countries we've visited where the harassment of women is an unfortunate cultural norm, while I'll be better off by her side in Southeast Asia, where the harassment of men is a side effect of the entrenched sex tourism industry. Lauren was apparently standing too far away from me.

As I search the beach under the bridge to retrieve my black marker, the racks of drying fish smells tremendously rank. I'll have to finish my drawing later, after we visit the Cham Towers and after we bike back to our hotel in the pouring rain, our umbrellas propped opened over our bike baskets to keep our bags, cameras, and my sketchbook dry, while we and our clothes get soaked through several times over.

Travel Tips – Nha Trang, Vietnam

Where we ate:

Nha Trang is where we learned to despise our Lonely Planet restaurant recommendations and love Travel Fish's instead.

Pho Cali - The food here was very cheap, yet still not worth the money at all. It really, really sucked: NAH
Quan 127 (may also be called Thuc Don), 127 Đ Hong Bang - A hole-in-the-wall serving mi quang nam a yellow wide-noodle local dish, which comes with various toppings. Beyond cheap, most dishes are between 10,000 and 14,000 dong (less than $1). The brief menu is only in Vietnamese, so let the staff plunk something in front of you and dig in: YEH!
Lac Canh - The gimmick is that you can grill your own meat on a table top setup, though they seem to rely more on the gimmick than the food: MEH
Truc Linh 3 - There's a fine line between attentive service and stalking our table. Just try and pour your own glass of wine. Our waitress made a hurt puppy face when she noticed we had poured for ourselves. The food was a mixed bag, the banana flower and clam salad was excellent while the meat in our crocodile curry was dry.: MEH
Thai Than Quan - Get your Hanoi-style bun cha on at this hole in the wall. Their chicken soup was also immensely slurpable, even if the meat was a less-than appealing gray: YEH
Quan 6 Phong - Often touted as the place for hot pot, we just didn't get it. Hot pot must be much more enjoyable with large groups of friends. We were left hungry by what was mostly fatty meat in a greasy, watery broth: NAH
Com suon street vendor, along Đ Nguyen Thi Minh Khai at Đ Hung Vuong – One of those poorly lit food carts surrounded by happy people stuffing their faces while perced on tiny plastic stools. This one serves up com suon succulent marinated, grilled thin pork chop on rice with pickled vegetables, a fried egg, and nuoc mam. Each loaded take away container cost about 8,000 dong each: YEH

Where we stayed:

Pho Bien - The location, the price, the room were all fine, though really nothing special. There was even a bit of a view from our room's window, so we could see the constant rain clouds hanging over Nha Trang's beach: YEH

What we saw:

Po Nagar Cham Towers - A collection of nice little temples, overly restored, and a bit bland for how far you have to haul to get there. Still, it's something to do on one of Nha Trang's frequent overcast days: YEH
Long Thanh Gallery - An impressive gallery-shop of photographer Long Thanh. Since there's few fine art museums in most of Vietnam, this place is a nice change of pace: YEH
Long son Pagoda - It definitely a pilgrimage to haul up the many steep, slippery (when it's raining) stairs up this pretty hilltop to check out a couple of ginormous white Buddha statues. The Lonely Planet really over-gripes about the beggars and touts, they're no more aggressive than anywhere else tour bus groups congregate. Just say no: YEH

Photos from Nha Trang, Vietnam

If you can't see the photo slide show above, view the photo set on Flickr.

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Eve	Feb 2, 2009 \|

Standing closer to Lauren might not have done much. I remember that Rahm got propositioned in Thailand when we were walking around together...

Raja	Feb 2, 2009 \|

"I quickly check my pocket to make sure that my dong is still there." I know the name of the Vietnamese currency, and I still found that line too funny.

Did any of those receipts she took have your full debit/credit card number on them? A lot of receipts printed in foreign countries don't redact those like most of the ones in the US do now.

Kim	Feb 2, 2009 \|

Too funny. Great story. Lauren - better keep a better eye on your man!!!

Josh	Feb 2, 2009 \|

Good keepin' yer dong in yer front pocket.

Mike G

Feb 3, 2009 |

You had to expect the dong comments to pour in, as for the groin grabbing sheesh man, looks like she was trying the ol' - Dong grope and dong pilfer maneuver. Happens here in the US too, except it's usually bloody :|

Crissy

Apr 3, 2009 |

You're THAT good Todd that women world over want a piece-a-dat-action. But something is missing from the story. And that is a group dance to "Beat it."