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 Sunset behind Sapa's mountain range | Photo by Lauren Girardin
As fast as a hawk snatches a field mouse, a woman comes around to the front of her market booth, where I've stopped to look at an earring. It was dark, I wanted a better look. I let my guard down. She picks up the mate to the earring and puts it in my hand.
"Okayokay, nice earrings. I make you good discount. What you pay?"
"No thanks. Just looking." I say. The earrings are nice, but it's cold and I don't have it in me to haggle right now.
"Okayokay." Before I can leave, the woman takes hold of my wrist and puts the earrings back in my hand. She picks up a calculator and punches in '240' – meaning 240,000 dong, over $14 US.
When someone starts too high, as this woman has, I don't even bargain. I make a face, say "No thanks," place the earrings back on the table, and again turn to walk away.
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 Lauren rides a xe om in Sapa | Art by Todd Berman "Okayokay." She snatches my wrist again, this time shoving the calculator in my hand. "You give price."
"No, seriously. No." I try to hand the calculator back, but the woman just grabs my other hand and uses my fingers to type in a counter offer. At this point, I look at Todd who's been standing next to me, completely taken aback by this whole encounter. Laughing, I rhetorically ask him, "Is she really using my fingers? This is ridiculous!"
I shake her off from typing for me, but she just changes strategy, keeping one of her hands firmly wrapped around both my hand and the calculator so I can't get rid of it. While I vainly try to disengage, she quickly types '180.' Glances at me. A second later, 'Clear.' Then '100.' Glance. Pause. 'Clear.' '60.'
Sixty? Suddenly I'm responsive. I look at the calculator and back at her. "Okay. Sixty."
She did all the work in the one-sided bargaining, but we both left happy. She got a good price and I got a pair of handmade moon-shaped Black Hmong steel earrings for $3.50.
 Duck, rice paddys, and hills | Photo by Lauren Girardin Such is shopping in Sapa, which is about all there is to do in this small town once you've returned from a day's hike. Stories of bad experiences with persistent touts are as ubiquitous amongst travelers to Sapa as photos of rice terraces.
As Todd and I wander around town looking at restaurants, we're drawn towards colorful hill tribe blankets displayed by a sun-wrinkled Black Hmong woman. Just pausing to appreciate the handiwork brings every other women in sight range over at a gallop. Like Homesteaders circling their wagons, a tribe's worth of pleading women surround us with a wall of blankets. Except, instead of fending off an attack from without, they're on the attack and we're caught in the middle.
Another hill tribe woman builds her sales pitch slowly over three days. In much-practiced English, she starts off with a long, friendly, and - by all indications - idle conversation. The next day she says "hello" and seemingly as an afterthought, mentions how, if we were, perhaps to buy something, she hopes we'd buy from her, but walks away without showing us anything. The third day, her youngest daughter tags along to talk about how much she enjoys being able to go to school. It's then that we're shown bracelets, bags, and pillowcases. The woman is masterful.
 Sapa hill tribe children flip us off | Photo by Lauren Girardin It takes an enormous amount of willpower to resist some of the touts. Others are easy to ignore.
With no pauses to allow Todd or I to answer, two tween hill tribe girls cry out in perfect unison, "Hello! Whatcountryareyoufrom? Whatisyourname? HowlongyoustayinSapa?" Todd imagines classrooms full of Sapa kids learning these English phrases by rote.
Every night, a filthy Black Hmong woman, whose flesh is so dessicated she looks like she's made of water buffalo jerky, creepily slurs at us, "Haaasheeeeeesh? Oooohpeeeeeuhm????"
Todd and I escape Sapa town on a self-guided hike through farms and fields towards Ta Phin village. Since we arrived, Sapa's famous views have been invisible, the fog impenetrable, the cold intimidating. We've heard rumors of the dramatic, mountainous landscape, but all we've seen is gray.
As we descend into a valley, the gray steadily brightens. Remarkably, magically - finally! - the sky flips to blue as the fog retreats first behind the hills, then even further behind the mountains. It's suddenly hot. We stop to strip off our layers since we each wore half of the clothes we brought with us on our round-the-world trip.
 Trio of Red Dzao women | Photo by Lauren Girardin The mountains appear flat, as if they've been cut from sheets of paper, shades of undulating deep blue-black like the dye the Black Hmong use on their clothes, which rubs off, staining their skin.
Long into our hike, Todd and I are still surrounded by locals. Young, muck-covered toddlers taunt us from rice paddy terraces. Farmers, busy spreading rice grains out to dry, barely give us a glance when we wave and say "Xin chào!" We're utterly uninteresting.
A trio of Red Dzao tribe women, their heads wrapped in red and white kerchiefs that remind me of Christmas, catch up with us on a path near Ta Phin. They lead us on a detour to their homestay house, where we're treated to tepid water with a tint of tea, über-sour wild lychee-like fruit, the welcome company of two travelers from Dubai who are staying the night, and - of course - a brief, listless showing of a few handmade items for sale.
Travel Tips – Sapa, Vietnam
Where we ate:
As with many tourism-fueled towns, the food in Sapa sucked or was expensive (and might still suck). Most MEHs below should be considered "as good as you can expect for Sapa."
- Xua + Nay Restaurant - This meal was the first of many unsatisfying meals in Sapa. Whatever it was we got we had to cover in chili sauce since it lacked any flavor: NAH
- Highland Coffee - Apparently some sort of Sapa institution, it was one of the worst meals we had. Their sandwiches were sloppy interpretations of the concept, even the bread they were built on was dry and flavorless. Oh, and their coffee was gnarly: NAH
- Baguette + Chocolate - Well worth the stroll to the "far side of town," which isn't that far. Surprisingly good Western-style baked goods and desserts, especially their banana muffins. Take away sandwiches are good for hikes. Be warned, there's no heat and you must take off your shoes for couch seating, a poor combination on cold days: YEH
- Pine Restaurant - We read that this was the only all-Vietnamese restaurant left in Sapa. Unfortunately, by the time we ate there, they'd added the same-same Western dishes as everywhere else. The Vietnamese food was okay, but because Pine's prices were lower other places in Sapa, the value was high. When we ordered fried chayote we got the ubiquitous Vietnamese green vegetable (sometimes called morning glory or water spinach). It wasn't what we wanted, but it was nice enough: MEH
- Queen Hotel - We stopped by because they had locally produced boozes on the menu and claimed to have free WiFi. The WiFi was intermittent, though they had terminals if needed. The atmosphere was nil, but the staff was friendly and the local bac ha brew, a Northern Vietnamese moonshine, was so potent we couldn't finish our pours: YEH
- Le Pho - If you pretty much only make pho, shouldn't your pho be the best? Le Pho's was bland, the soup little more than hot water, and the meat paltry and chewy. Oddly, their hot chocolate was truly excellent: NAH
- Black Hmong Restaurant - One of the newer restaurants on the road to Cat Cat (aka D Phan Si). They were playing some of our favorite music and had a promising menu. The food did not live up to expectations, if we weren't starving after our hike we would have left most of the food uneaten (the cheese fries were especially nasty). However, it's worth a stop on the way back from Cat Cat on cold days for their hot wine drinks and the pleasant tunes: MEH
- Romano's Pizza - Their pizza is much better than their watery pastas, which was better than the Aussie burger that Todd got, which he decreed "silly." Another place to get hot mulled wine on a cold day. Good free WiFi: YEH
- Sapa Rooms Boutique Hotel - The hotel on the road to Cat Cat has a cozy restaurant on the ground floor that is a good value for the style. Their breakfasts were creative, such as corn pancakes with ham and tomato jam or were simply made well, like their fluffy pancakes. Lunch however was a disaster, the salad was water-logged and the wild pork was bland: YEH for breakfast only
- Street food vendors near the "Stadium" - A couple of women set up informal stalls on the sidewalks around the stadium and serve up rice cooked in bamboo, roasted chestnuts, and grilled meat on sticks at bargain prices. They'll probably be amused to serve Westerners: YEH
- Pineapple, 55 Phan Dinh Phung, in the town of Lao Cai – As you head out of Sapa, you will likely have some time to kill in Lao Cai. Don't eat where the minivan drops you off, they're on commission. Instead walk over to Pineapple for a nice place to escape from Lao Cai's touts and smog: YEH
Where we stayed:
- Pinocchio Hotel - The beds were comfortable, blankets thick, price cheap, but they made you pay for a space heater if you couldn't stand the cold, which we couldn't. Unless you plan on lounging on the balcony, which is unremarkable except for the view (which you can see everywhere in town), there's no reason to pay for a "view room": MEH
What we saw:
- Night trains to/from Sapa - For the love of all that is holy, do not go by "hard sleeper" overnight to/from Sapa. The car is smoky, loud, and dirty and the hard sleeper berth is a rock. The "soft sleeper" is worth every extra dong. Also, you do not need to book the train and subsequent required minivan through your hotel. Simply walk or cab to the Hanoi train station to book your round trip train to Lao Cai. Once in Lao Cai, there are hordes of minivans (the Lonely Planet is wrong, you don't need to walk to the town's bus station) to take you to Sapa for 30,000 dong. In Sapa, just walk to the bend in Cau May Street two hours before your train and find a minivan to Lao Cai: YEH
- Local Tourist Maps - We dropped 25,000 Dong (about $3 US) on one of these in hopes it would help us guide ourselves on hikes through Sapa's hills. Hardly any walking trails were mapped and those that were included were unfindable. Instead, just bring a compass and ask anyone you see for directions: NAH
- Hike to Ta Phin - Given that we weren't sure of the most direct hiking trails there (see map above), the supposed easy round tip day hike turned very loooong. But, even though we never quite reached the village of Ta Phin, we had a gorgeous hike with views and distractions> We took xe oms back to town and had to bargain hard: YEH
- Hike to Cat Cat Village - The hike, if it can be called that, meanders past lackluster booths manned by grouchy hill tribe women selling "authentic handmade" made in China Black Hmong souvenirs. Not much of a village experience. The views during the hike are phenomenal. At the end of the hike down, you reach the waterfall, where Vietnamese music blasts over loudspeakers, drowning out the roar of nature. Do as we did and climb the stairs near the bathrooms and find the trail to the fairy stream, which is simply a beautiful river where one bend muffles the nearby cacophony: YEH, except for the waterfall
- Main Sapa Market - This market is probably more impressive in warmer weather. We saw fruit and veg sellers and some cheap clothes and cloth for sale. Little local food and the restaurants there were few and utterly overpriced: MEH
- Shopping in Sapa - If you want to browse any of the Black Hmong blankets for sale on the town's sidewalks or the jewelry and other hill tribe souvenirs in the informal outdoor market booths around town, do so at your own risk. The women are incredibly aggressive.The prices drop very quickly, and even further once you bargain. Try for 20-30% of the starting price: MEH
Photos from Sapa, Vietnam
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